During the convalescence of my ankle-impaired husband, I’ve done more reading of dumb articles in women’s magazines than usual. Blame it on waiting rooms. I think it was in a recent issue of O that a woman was featured who hit the bigtime writing a book about letting her hair go gray after having colored it for decades. Maybe it’s the greatest thing since putting chemicals and ammonia on one’s scalp, but I will never be able to write that sort of book because I have never colored my hair. I’ve had gray hair since my 30’s and I just don’t care.  That might be the title of my book on personal appearance.  Chapter 1–I am so glad I haven’t wasted $65,000 on coloring my hair for 25 years like the woman who wrote the book about going gray. Hmmm. Maybe I am underestimating my writing talent once again.

Perhaps there’s a whole series of books I could write since the list of female things I’ve never done include getting a manicure, pedicure, or facial, wearing make-up, having anything waxed, lasered, liposuctioned, or augmented, or watching one of the Sex in the City movies. Shoot, I barely floss.  I can imagine there’s a wide audience out there who wonders how that could be possible though it wouldn’t include my dentist.

I suppose this would be a good time to insert a recent photo to prove I’m not a female version of Bigfoot, but you’ll just have to take it on faith, and I do use conditioner pretty faithfully, so it’s not even a close call there.  It’s as if I’ve added years to my life and accomplished so much more than all the women who shop and strut and primp and preen, except that it hasn’t worked out that way. It did for Mother Teresa–she used her time not applying make-up wisely. Me–not so much. It takes a lot of time to confiscate and destroy every photo taken of me in the last twenty years.

But think of all the money I’ve saved over the years. Add to that my lack of interest in shopping for clothes, shoes, and jewelry, which saves the big bucks consistently except when I do finally go shopping and waste big money on things I don’t really wear, and I think I see a reality show here–What Not To Want and Waste Your Time With.  Not sure what industry would want to sponsor that.  Perhaps I could entice Eureka to partner with me as I show today’s woman how to clean up in the finance department by doing only the minimum to clean up. In today’s episode I combined housekeeping and wardrobe renewal by vacuuming up a long-lost, long-forgotten, fairly cute, summery top that was well-hidden under a dresser right next to our laundry hamper.  From mess to success.

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