Breasts for breasts?

Last week while I was in the throes of preparation for my stupid caroling party, I sliced and diced my way through 7 lbs. of boneless chicken breasts so that my guests could chow down on some tasty chicken tenders. Damned good, but a pain to make.  As I deposited the extraneous fatty chicken ickiness back into the fifth package of the morning I was taken aback by what I had failed to notice on the other slimy containers of chicken–a teeny tiny sticker that said Scan to Save a Life. In virtually unreadable text, upon closer inspection–just what we all want to do with a package of chicken, get up close and personal–I read “Save $2 on mobile rebate” and in even smaller print  “You can choose to send your rebate to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.”

Buy breasts for breasts. I get it, but um, ok,  how would I send my rebate to fight breast cancer exactly? “Scan this tag”–right–I’m going to put this on my scanner! “or text  [possibly] SPRINGER to [some number I can’t read] for a link to learn how to get a $2 rebate delivered to your paypal account, or choose to send your $2 rebate to the foundation. ” And a big finish with smaller print even harder to decipher.  Now why couldn’t the companies involved in this just give the damned money to fight breast cancer in the first place? Too easy, cause they really just want our phone numbers and email addresses.

Are they kidding???  Writing a check and walking it to the post office across the country would be more efficient. The chance that I with my chicken-contaminated hands was going to go through the convoluted instructions to give $ to even the most deserving charity was slight. Who does that? Who even can read the damned teeny tiny print, especially when it’s almost always covered in chicken slime and stickiness?

Some genius in marketing somewhere thought it would be a good idea to afix stickers to plastic wrapped containers of chicken breasts to raise money for breast cancer research. I’m all for fighting breast cancer, especially since another friend has just been diagnosed with it, but I’m thinking this ain’t the way to do it.  I wonder how many meetings and people hours went into this preposterous campaign. Synergy is over-rated sometimes. And breasts deserve better.